GTA: San Andreas

I've decided to go back to this now, and get it completed. Assuming I don't get too annoyed at it. I really like the game, but the missions annoy me. I just like driving round, shooting things, jumping out of things, and Taking A Bike Where A Bike Shouldn't Go (TM).

Did two of Jizzy's missions, and then had to tail a reporter. First, he gets on a train, so I have to follow that. Which takes aaaaages to stop. Then I have to follow him without being seen. Stupidly, I got off my bike, and followed him, and then when he got in a cab, I couldn't find a single vehicle and so he got away. So, all the way back to the start and try again. This time, I spooked him and failed the mission - even though we were getting further apart, the Spook-o-Meter kept filling up. Irritating. So I turned it off.

Ribbit King: ENDERED

HAHAHAHA! Take that, end of game opponent! Managed to beat Sparky and Whoosh 2, quite easily as well. I was 500 points ahead on the last round, which was a comfortable lead. Unfortunately, he then got a Frog-in-One, and picked up a couple of hundred points en route too, putting me about 1200 points behind. You get 1500 for a Frog-in-One, and I'd have got 900 points (or less) if I didn't. But I managed a Frog-in-One too, and whipped him! Hurrah! Game Over, end credits, me == BEST, etc.

Ribbit King

It started off well. I raced through my opponents, defeating all of them bar one first go and by miles. I did lose to Princess Fish-on-Head once, but only because she got the bonus points and it took her score to 5210 - when mine was 5206. Grr.

And then, on the last opponent (Or at least, I assume Sparky and Whoosh 2 are my last opponents, since they have the item I need and I've played everyone else), I lost. By miles. Somehow they racked up 3000 points in one go. I hate them. Then, I lost to them again, as they got the bonus and beat me that way. On my third attempt I lost once more, as they got a Frog-in-One on the last round, after picking up some 1500 points on the way, and depleting my impressive 2000 point lead. That left them more than 1000 points ahead of me, and no way for me to claw that back in one shot. I cried.

On my fourth attempt, I had racked up a nice lead on the third round, and all being well I was on to a winner. Then the game crashed! Arrrrgh! HATE. SMASH. CRY.

Ribbit King

Made a largish dent into the "Second Mission" this evening. Is it me, or have the opponents become really retarded now? On one level, Sir Waddlelot tried the same shot seven times, each time going out of bounds, and each time losing 50 points. He failed to finish that round at all, and ended up with fewer points than he started the round with. The panda did a similar thing on another level too, allowing me to storm ahead and gain a lead that couldn't be beaten.

Anyway, that's about 5 beaten so far this mission, I think.

Ribbit King

Stupid. STUPID STUPID.

I beat the final opponent. He was actually pretty hard, since he knew all the "paths" to getting huge bonuses and racking up his multiplier. And he never made any mistakes either. Luckily, I knew a few paths too, and thrashed him in the final round. Hurrah!

Then the end of game sequence kicks in, but I had to answer the door. When I got back, it was just finishing. And then the game autosaved. And now I can't watch the end sequence without playing the entire game again. STUPID.

OK, so technically it isn't the end of the game (there's more), but still. I am so annoyed at Mr Electricity Meter Reader right now.

Ribbit King

I did much better today - not losing a single match. Walked all over Sir Waddlelot, Girl-With-Fish-on-Head, Cosmos the Alien, Lunk 2 and everyone else I played. Excellent.

When I ran out of opponents, [spoiler] appeared, and told me he was to be my final opponent! Woo!

Ribbit King

Although I've played this before, I've not really touched it in single player mode. So I've decided this is my next game to complete.

Faced three opponents this evening: Lunk 2 (who beat me), some ghosty thing with a "Play Box Advance" (who was easy to beat), and an alien. Although the alien was winning by some 900 points after the second round, I pulled back 200 or so in the third, and overtook him on the fourth. The final standings were 4408 to me, 4397 to him.

What a comeback! Sadly though, the Mystery Bonus of 100 points went to him, and he won. Bah.

Mahjongg Taikai

I am rubbish at this. FACT. I played another few games, and managed third place in one, and last in the other two. Am I missing something? I know you get more points for certain "tricks" and sets of tricks than others, but even getting a whopping 1-2-3 Bamboo, 4-5-6 Bamboo, 7-8-9 Bamboo, 5-5-5 Bamboo and a pair of Red Dragons wasn't enough to whip the others. Stupid.

NeoTiles

Another Pocket PC game, this. It's a poor man's Shanghai really, but passes the time. Mind you, I actually have Shanghai on my iPaq too, so I don't really know what I'm playing NeoTiles for...

Sim City 2000

I've reinstalled a load of games on my iPaq now I have a new SD card to store them on, and one of them is Sim City 2000.

Of course, now I remember why I wasn't sad to see it go last time when I needed the card for my camera. It's slow, and the screen isn't big enough to work with properly. It might have been nicer if you could play landscape instead of portrait, but you can't. Or at least, I can't figure out how.

Mahjongg Taikai

I am really very crap at this. I hope I find some difficulty settings somewhere before I stab my DS. I've just played four "rounds", each of 5 or 6 "hands", and got progressively worse as I went on. In the first round, I narrowly missed first place, the next I came second again, then third and finally fourth. I need 1337 Mahjongg sk1llz, I think. W0rd, y0.

Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap: MINISHED

DYSWIDT? Well, boss after boss after boss after boss turned out to be not as bad as it seemed last night. In fact, I had almost killed his final form when I died when I played it yesterday.

But hooray and hoorah, Vaati is dead and Hyrule is safe. Credits roll.

Then went and spent all my shells getting figurines. I'm still missing about half of them though. Stupid things.

Mahjongg Taikai

And I thought the Famicom Mahjongg game was hard. This one is the hardest Mahjongg game evar. But it has nice graphics and excellent music (or rather, Muzak) throughout. Sticking with it, even though I can't read the options as they're almost all in Kanji and I only know Hiragana and Katakana. Tch, eh?

Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

Gnah! How many different end of game bosses does one game need?!

Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

Dark Hyrule Castle is annoying. Not because it's hard, nor because it is tedious. It is annoying because it is full of those stupid knight things. You even get attacked by three at once in one bit. Grr.

Anyway, I got to the end of game boss with two hearts remaining, and promptly died. Rubbish.

Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

More Zelda'ing today. Lots more, in fact. After some more exploring for Kinstones, I went to the graveyard (via a go-in-the-right-direction identical-screens maze - every Zelda game must have one!) and spoke to some dead king. Then worked my way up into the clouds, did some puzzling up there, and then went up further. And further still, to the Palace of Winds, which was a pretty big dungeon in the sky and had one of the most annoying baddies EVER at the end. But it's dead now, so I don't care.

After adding the final Element to my sword, Vaati appeared and slapped me before turning Hyrule Castle into some twisted evil mirror of the original. Of course.

So, final showdown soon then? I expect so!

Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

Yes, still playing. More Kinstone Fusions, more exploring bits of the town, finding more Rupees than you can shake a boomerang at, and opening a portal to some place not (yet) on the map where I sucked a demon off an old man. Oh yes.

Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

Worked my way through, and completed the Temple of Droplets. Although there were several clever "let light through" and Sokoban type puzzle bits, much of the dungeon was, well, "Oh look! A thing! I bet [insert obvious thing] happens if I [insert other obvious thing]". It was also obvious that I was going to be getting the Flame Torch in here too.

Also, this dungeon almost had a SuckySuck(TM) bit going on, with no less than three previous mini-bosses to contend with, one of them three times, and another two at once.

But all was good, and I killed the Octorok at the end after figuring it out on my second go. Looks like it had been Pikmin influenced too... And Water Element Get!

Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

I worked my way through the Fortress of Winds, finding the Mole Claws on the way, and killed the boss at the end. He was rather like one of the bosses from Wind Waker, with his big floaty grabby hands, only had added Minishness required for defeating him. Sadly, there was no Element to be had at the end of the dungeon, as it had been taken away for "safe keeping". Bah.

Back to the town, and stacks more Kinstones later, I went round collecting the secrets they uncovered. Also went on a Minish Quest in the town to get the Power Bracelet, which helped out when collecting library books. I also have the Flippers now too, so can swim, and have made it to the dungeon where the Water Element lies.

Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

Look. I was going to do something else. But I saw my GBA lying there and thought, what the heck. So I found what I was supposed to be doing, got a mushroom to get some shoes that let me run, and made it into the Castor Wilds. Found a stack load of Kinstones here, three of which were required to progress further. I have a bow now too. And a boomerang! Power up!

Now I've just entered the dungeon where the next Element is - the Fortress of Winds. I wonder how much there is to do after collecting all four Elements? If there isn't much, it's a bit of a short Zelda...

Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

Yes, again. It's just like all the other Zelda games - "I'll just get to the next bit..." and stuff. But, again like all the previous Zelda bits, I'm stuck. I can't get to either of the remaining Elements, as a swamp is blocking me in one direction, and the lack of a certain Kinstone in the other. Wandered all over the place, including lots of bits in the town I can now reach as MiniLink(TM), and collected a load of Kinstones. Sadly, none of them are the one I need.

Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

Made my way up the mountain again, realising I'd missed some obvious blow-open-walls bits (and hence why I was stuck). At the top, I found a Minish Mine, where a blacksmith took the broken Picori Blade and send me off to get the Fire Element from another nearby mine.

Naturally, this was another dungeon. The mid-boss was a load of grey spiky wobbly things, and the weapon in this dungeon was the Cane of Pacci. How unfortunate. It flips things over. So, after getting past some lava pits and did mine-cart riding, I killed the fire dragon end boss thingie. Hurrah! Fire Element is mine.

Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

Went off to my first "dungeon", to get the Earth Element. For some reason, it looks like three purple drops of water, so that doesn't make sense. Anyway, the dungeon was the usual Zelda dungeoning affair, with Small Keys and chests and switches and a map and a compass and stuff. Killed the "mid-boss" and got a Gust Jar - a new weapon for Zelda games. It sucks stuff up. Nice.

Finished off the main boss too, and went back to the Minish Village, where I was sent off to find another Element. Went via Hyrule Town and bought some stuff, got given a Kinstone bag, and found some Kinstones. You meld them with other Kinstones that people have, and things happen (new places open, chests appear, etc.). Started up Mount Someplaceorother, but didn't get very far before I got stuck and went back to the town. There are billions of Minish-sized holes and paths in the town, but I haven't found out anywhere to shink down yet (except in the Shoemaker's house, but then you can't leave as a midget).

Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

Next in line to play is this. I bought it just after Christmas, and only opened it today. Graphics are nice, better than Link to the Past, even. So I go to the Picori Festival, and to Hyrule Castle. And shock! Something bad happens to Zelda and Link is sent off to help her. I wasn't expecting that!

Off to the Minish Woods I go, killing some stuff on the way, and saving what looks like a legless bird, but is actually a talking hat when I get there. Is this the Minish Cap from the title? Probably. A tree stump coupled with this hat (who is called Ezlo and will no doubt be as annoying as Tingle and Navi were) shrank me to the size of a pea, and I went into the Minish Village. Couldn't understand anyone, but a Jabber Nut solved that.

Mr Driller: Drill Spirits: CULMINATED!

Oh my. I'm on fire or something today! My first attempt at 2000m (which it seems, is the last level - thankfully!) got me as far as 1450m. Undeterred, I was at 1700m on my next go, with 5 lives left. Sadly, by 1900 I was down to 2 lives. Then, at 1960 I was on my last life - so I just threw caution to the wind and went for it. And it worked!

I've now unlocked another character, and infinite mode (on the Moon). Had a go at that, but it just seems to be a time-attack type mode. But with the credits, and some strange singing, over with, Mr Driller is complete. That's two games today. BEST.

Fable: DONENESS

So it seems I was right near the end of the game then. Like, 30 minutes from it. Had to chase after Jack all over the place, being attacked by hordes of baddies on the way. Luckily, there were plenty of other heroes and guards and stuff around to take them on, so I just ran past them all. Eventually, I ended up at the Hall of Fate back in the Guild for the final showdown. Which was disarmingly easy. Chose not to keep the Sword (and kill my sister), and instead threw it into a vortex.

With the half-hour long credits sequence out of the way (which also listed the 50 or so babies born to Fable staff during the game production, amongst other things), I carried on playing for a bit. I did a few jobs for Lady Grey, found her necklace, beat Thunder for her cold heart, and married her (three wives now!), but now I don't know what to do. Treguard keeps telling me to "check the Guild for more quests", but when I get there it's all blocked off and there are no quests to be had. I can't even "select" the big Quest Map in the Guild foyer. Wandered round Albion for a bit, but I seem to have run out of interesting things to do. THE END then.

Fable

Before setting off on my next quest, I decided to figure out how you go about getting married. So, I wooed a lady in a bar in Bowerstone (as you do), and she eventually had a large heart over her head. I then gave her chocolates, and she suggested she might want a wedding ring. Once purchased, she then wanted a house! Tch. Anyway, bought a house and we were wed. Hurrah!

I then went to Oakvale and got married to another barmaid. Bigamy == BEST.

On with the quest then. Had to go to Darkwood and kill a load of Undeads (oh joy), to activate a teleporter, or rather "Cullis Gate" as they're called. That took me to Hook Coast, where my way was blocked by a magic door. Returning to the Guild as instructed, my mother was kidnapped again, and I found a book with a spell to get rid of the door. Back to Hook Coast then, which by now was populated by banshees, it seems. Oh, and my sister was there too, held captive by Jack of Blades and [kind of obvious spoiler]. Jack made off with the Key that unlocks the Sword, and I killed off [spoiler]. Must be getting close to the end now...

Fable

Bit of a marathon session on this today, it seems. Started off this evening by visiting Lady Grey in Bowerstone. She wanted a black rose from me, and now wants me to buy a house. Sod that! Started a quest looking for the Archeologist again, who was held prisoner by some wierdy things with two headed staffs and blade-sticks. Some idiot guards joined me to help out, although most died.

After saving him, he told me where to find my mother, so off I went. This involved finding my way through a graveyard (full of constantly respawning undeads, gah), digging up graves and fishing (to find bits of armour), and working my way through to Jack of Blade's prison. Where I found my mother but was promptly captured. And lost all my abilities and items. Had to do a race (twice) here, and finally escaped again, with my mother. She gave me some magic power thing, and left to find my sister. On to the next bit then....

Fable

RUBBISH. Even though I saved last night, I had to start the current quest all over again. That meant killing the wasps, Hobbes, and Balverines again. Bah. At least they didn't take too long. After them, came some Bandits (easy), the Undead (very easy), two Earth Trolls (difficult, since when attacking one, the other hits you), two Rock Trolls (ditto, but worse) and then Arachanox. Regardless of his name, Arachanox is a scorpion, and was very easy to kill, once I managed to get away from being pinned against a wall unable to move for ten minutes. Then Jack of Blades declared Whisper and I winners, and I had to fight her.

Once she was down to almost no energy, I had to choose whether to kill her or walk away. I did the latter, and had a chat with Jack who gave me my prizes and told me about my mother (who is also alive - those Bandits didn't seem to do a very good job of killing everyone at all). I seem to have acquired a Halo now too, and I've bought the title "Gladiator" as "Arseface" was annoying me.

Met up with my sister again, and killed some zombies. As you do.

Fable

I hate Balverines. Expecially when there are five of them together. And the quest I went on involved not only killing a load of them, but also slapping about a group of eight bandits, and finally killing a hulking great White Balverine (who kept summoning more normal Black Balverines). Of course, I did it because I am grate (and the game isn't actually very hard).

Although, I reached the Arena for the quest after that, and after killing several waves of wasps and then Hobbes, it was onto more Balverines. And then four Balverines and a White one. Then five and two White ones. I was fighting alongside Whisper, however, so that helped (but only as a decoy - she's crap). After killing them, it was back to the "rest area", and I saved the game.

Oh yes, and I can now use some "Sexy Pose" thing. Which makes women weak at the knees. And everyone now calls me "Arseface".

Mr Driller: Drill Spirits

Sigh. I got up to 1800m today, and bought more lives from the shop. I know I'd made some avoidable errors on the run, so surely if I take more care, and with three more lives, I should finally be able to do it, yes?

No. 1077m. Stupid, stupid game. It actually made me cry.

At least I managed the 500ton level on Pressure Driller. It just isn't the same though.

Mr Driller: Drill Spirits

I'm really getting annoyed with this now, since I'm getting worse and not better. I could only manage 957m on the 2000m run today. That's less than halfway there. Rubbish. I think I shall be writing a letter.

Dear Namco,
Mr Driller: Drill Spirits is impossible, despite what Steve Jackson says. You suXX0r.
Loev, deKay.

Fable

Went on two quests today. The first was a fairly long one, into the Bandit Camp to find out more about my lost sister. Of course, [spoiler], which wasn't entirely unexpected. Getting there took longer than it needed to, as I fought my way through the Darkwood again to get there, when I could have just teleported to Oakvale and cut the journey short. Before getting into the camp at all, there was a stealth bit (and I hate stealth bits), but luckily I found you only need to hide in one place and leg it at an appropriate time. And then collect bandit garb to pass as a bandit. Twinblade was the boss at the end of the quest, and I killed him fairly easily one I figured out his moves. I spared his life, 'cos I'm nice.

Back to the Guild, and spent some XP, and then went out to find the Archeologist. To get past a door demon thingie, I had to spell out the door's name using some rocks. The rocks were H, I, D and S, but the name was HITS. Stupid lisping rock voice. Of course, I spelt SHID to see what happened, and was attacked by two Balverines. Archeologist found, job done.

Fable

After adding buffness to my character, I'm now strong enough to wield my Greatsword. It's still a bit slow, but the damage is higher. Spend a while in the woods killing things to get experience, concentrating on using my bow and magic where possible.

Afterwards, I went round the town trying very hard to get girls to like me. Lots of them got big hearts over their heads, and one even kept being suggestive by saying "I am sooooooo tired!" and "Take me, I'm all yours!". Sadly, I couldn't figure out what to do to get to next base, and they eventually walked away. I tried the same thing with some men in the Guild (impressing them with my "manly arm pump" worked well), but didn't get very far there either. So I saved my game and killed everyone, before turning off the Xbox.

Fable

Since I'm a Right Proper Hero now, I thought I'd best do some Right Proper Heroing. Off I trundled to a nearby town, and talked to all the local laydees. I then examined a bookcase in a house, only to find it wasn't "examining", but "stealing", and the guards ran after me. And hit me with swords. Gah - I was trying to be nice as well.

Managed to get away (I couldn't pay the fine as I didn't have the money) and went back to the Guild, and explored the shop there. Settled on a Greatsword, which I rushed out to kill wasps and beetles with. Except, it's too heavy for me so I can only drag it along the ground. Tch. I have a new Fireball spell too, although it doesn't seem to be very powerful.

After a few short quests (and beating up Whisper), I started on a longer one, escorting some traders through the Darkwood. One of them turned into a nasty black demon thingie, which was nice. Then I was attacked by a huge troll thing, which was laughably easy to kill with my bow. And then I reached Oakvale! The village I started the game in. So much for "everyone except me" dying, as I learn that my sister is still alive, and I bumped into some people who are still there from before. Stupid plot holes.

Fable

After some suggestions on uk.games.video.misc, I decided to make a start on Fable. And what a strange game it is. The first thing to hit me was the accents - every English dialect appears to be covered. The next thing was the bizarre shadows on people's faces, as if there are invisible light sources than keep moving. Very odd, and a little off-putting, especially when coupled with the Daz-enchanced Whiter Than Whiteness of my clothes. But I digress. Went round doing good deeds and trying to beat up chickens. Resisted the urge to smash some barrels although I was being coaxed into doing it. Told a woman about her cheating husband, and listened in on the resultant argument - "My mother was right about you!". Made some money, and bought my sister some chocolates.

And then the bandits came and killed everyone. Hurrah! And what manly men they were too. I was rescued from the lootin' and pillagin' by a tattooed freak called Maze, who took me to The Guild, where I was to train as a Hero. It reminded me of Oliver Twist, actually. Met the Guildmaster, who tells me where to go and how to train. He appears to have the same voice as Treguard from Knightmare, strangely. Spent a while training, with my stick and then sword, my bow and some lightning. I HAVE THE POWAAR!!

In this time, I grew up a couple of times too. And killed some beetles and bandits. And slapped Whisper the Jamaican Girl about a bit in the training ring. As you do. Then it was time to fight with Fagin, errr, Maze, and complete my "final test". I did, and Whisper and I became full Heroes and gained the Guild Seal. Great, I think. Finally got to spend some experience points, so made myself a bit more buff, and trotted out of the Guild on my first quest - to kill evil wasps who are disrupting a picnic!

My mighty sword (and lightning) DESTROYED the feeble wasps and their Queen. I then nicked all the pickernick baskets, and laughed along with the locals, who call me a chicken chaser. Is that good or bad? Then wandered around a bit, and helped out a tramp by scaring away a bully by farting in his general direction. No, really. Now supposedly I have to go and meet Maze down't pub. I hope there are more gay scousers in there - the ones I've met so far are ACE.

Mr Driller: Drill Spirits

2000m? Mr Driller says "No".

Sonic Adventure DX: FINISH0RED

Well, that was quick. OK, so I've only finished it with Sonic, but from what I recall of the DC game, Tails' levels are much the same, and everyone else is crap. Probably.

Although the last few levels were harder (except the actual last level - that was unnervingly easy for a Sonic finalé), the only times I died were when the camera went squiffy or I just fell through seemingly solid scenery. Tch. The game tells me that I can also play with Big and E-102 now, should I feel that way inclined. I notice too that I haven't unlocked any Game Gear games yet. I suspect I need more emblems, rings, or complete missions before I get them. I did try a few missions, but they seem to mostly be dull fetch quests. Great.

Anyhoo, that's 5 games so far. Excellent, Ambassador.

Sonic Adventure DX

Three more action stages complete with Sonic. Or is it four? They all kind of went blurry. Icecap, Twinkle Park, and Speed Highway (or something) all finished. Found a gold Chao egg too, and hatched that. Really should name my Chaos now, since only Chewy has a name.

Oh yes, and did Sky Chase too. Which was easy. In fact, the whole game has been easy so far. Even the boss battle against Chaos 4 (what happened to Chaos 1-3 I don't know) didn't tax me. The fight with Knuckles was laughable, with him going "Oh no!" when I slapped him up. Mind you, he's a controllable character now. And I can now play with Amy, apparently. Lucky me.

Mr Driller: Drill Spirits

How come I can only get as far as 1200m on the 2000m run now? Answers on a postcard...

Sonic Adventure DX

I never did complete Sonic Adventure on the Dreamcast, for whatever reason. Probably had something to do with having ten billion games or summat. Decided to give this a go, seeing as it has been sat on my shelf now for some four months or so.

Have finished three "action" levels with Sonic so far, which alarmingly seems to be 25% done (according to the saved game file). I know there are other characters, but still. An improvement over the DC original is the Free Camera using the C-stick. It doesn't help much in the action levels, but in and around Station Square and Mystic Ruins (etc.) you really need it. Still camera issues though.

Hatched three Chao, including a silver one I found in Mystic Ruins near the waterfall. Named one Chewy, as I expect they are. Obviously spent the bulk of my play on the game today actually doing levels, finishing after the Casino when the game abruptly crashed. Tch.

Mr Driller: Drill Spirits

After many, many attempts, and the creation of all new curses, 1500m is PWNED. Although a staggering achievement, sadly 2000m still looms. Despite my best efforts, I can't even break 1200m on that one, so once again impossibility sets in. Ho hum.

Leisure Suit Larry: ENDERIFIED

Wow. Four games in five weeks. That's about as many games as last year in total, I think. Excellent.

So, the last round of Swingles meant a chat-minigame, which was easy right up to the last bit which was hard, meaning I failed twice and had to redo the whole three-minute chat again. And again. After that, I eliminated Barbera Jo (bouncy as she was), and moved on to a Dance-in-our-Pants minigame, which was pretty easy. Then the final decision: Morgan (D&D geek) or Suzi (S&M freak). Morgan it was. And onto the end. Aw, she loves me.

Luckily, the Porn Fairy can be found after you complete the game, and sells you the alternative endings so you needn't do it all again. Thank god - I'm minigamed out.

Mr Driller: Drill Spirits

More feeble efforts. I managed 1074m on the 1500m run on one attempt - rubbish! Another attempt was even worse, with a rather apt 666m. Stupid game.

Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude

Looks like I'm nearly at the end of the game now. I had whirlwind romances with Barbera Jo (ended in a wet T-shirt competiton), Suzi (I joined her rock group and then spanked her), and Morgan. Morgan is by far the most bizarre of them, as she's some kind of internet nerd, with whom I played strip-hand-slappy with, then the rudest game of Dungeons and Dragons you can imagine, and then finally we streaked campus. As they say in Americaland, "she has issues".

Next step is the finals of Swingles. And then I'll be free of annoying, repetitive minigames! Hurrah!

Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude

Managed to win over Harriet first, who is very scary indeed. Not least that she's possessed by some kind of demon. Nor that she only wants me if I dress up as a tree. Anyway, I figured out an easy way to win the hand-slappy game, and so got the Token of Affection from her a little later. Next, it was on to Beatrice, the professor in the lab. This was even more wrong, as it involved swapping my brain with a sex-crazed monkey who wanted the professor as well. Wrongness.

Those two ladies done with, I took part in the next round of Swingles, which was a wet T-shirt contest. And was very easy. I'm now onto the final phase, which involves three girls this time. I'm met Suzi, but she wants me to accessorise my "cool" clothes, but I can't find anyone selling accessories for it. Barbara-Jo let me speak to her if I wore accessorised "trendy" clothes, which I had, and challenged me to (yawn) more trampolining. I then had to prank phonecall her. Have more to do with her yet, and haven't seen Morgan yet either.

Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude

My time today was split between Analisa (guess Larry's hilarious pronunciation of that, if you can) and Bilzarbra (what kind of a name is that?). I managed to "win" them both over, which in Bilzarbra's case involved a sentient arcade machine.

I also stumbled across the Porn Fairy, who looks alarmingly like Ron Jeremy. He burst into song, singing about being the Porn Fairy to the tune of the Gilbert and Sullivan "Pirate King" song. Which was nice.

Family Mahjongg II: Shanghai e no Michi

Grrr. There is cheating afoot. There must be! I never get any of the tiles I want, and the computer always manages to finish before I'm even halfway. When I get down to needing, say, either a 3 of Bamboo or a 6 of Bamboo to win, I get a steady stream of useless Wind and Dragon tiles. Conversely, if I want a particular Wind tile, all I get is tiles from suits I'm not even aiming for. Cheating. FACT.

Tried some sort of Story Mode today, and that appeared to be easier, and had powerups (that I couldn't figure out how to use). But I still lost every game.

Mr Driller: Drill Spirits

Just like 1000m before it, 1500m is plainly not possible. Except 1000m was, it seemed. Anyway, 1500m can't be done. FACT. I got to 1200m or so, and died.

Family Mahjongg II: Shanghai e no Michi

I got a new video capture device today, so I thought I'd test it with my Famicom. And I then spent an hour playing (and losing) Mahjongg on it. Bah.

I'm sure this game cheats. You start with 27,000 points, and over the course of about 10 rounds, I lost them all to the computer. I won just one round, and only got about 500 points for that. Cheeky cheating computer. Boooo!

Chokkan Hitofude

Due to PC transplantation duties, I didn't play this for long. It certainly seems a bit bizarre, and I'm not sure it's a puzzle game that my brain can cope with. Nevertheless, I managed a score of over 100,000 on one of the game modes. The one that says "0-100" on it at the beginning. Don't look at me like you don't know.

Mr Driller: Drill Spirits

1000m BEAT! Hurrah! I used items again, but then, the game is obviously impossible without them. I've unlocked Anna now too, who sounds about 50 years old, yet looks 12. Now onto the 1500m level, which exists only for Namco to mock me further.

Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude

I found an easy way to make money today - taking photos. Get at least two "lights" on the camera, and take a picture. Then, take your snaps to the geeky guy in the library and he'll pay you for them, $1-per-light, for a fee of $1-per-photo. The cheerleaders all in one shot gets you $4 this way, so you can rack up the money fairly easily.

Won over Zanna, by beating her at strip-trampolining (as you do), and they then produced a jetpack from nowhere and flew off into the sky. I then wooed Luba, whom you can't even speak to unless you're drunk. This makes the "making smalltalk" mini-game impossible, since you're drunk. Luckily, you stop being drunk, but still play again if you fail. Then it was onto some trampolining (again) and quarters (again). Why do you have to play one of two silly mini-games for every single girl? Stupid. Anyway, I "completed" Luba in the end, although not in the way you might expect. I'm ready for the next round of Swingles then. Joy.

Mr Driller: Drill Spirits

Great. I got up to 955m this time, and died. Again. I'm sure someone at Namco is laughing at me. I hate them.

Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude

Hmm. I need to get better at the (frankly, bizarre) mini-games, I think. Specifically, the hand-slappy one, which I lost to Harriet. Three times. I don't even understand what you're supposed to do to slap her hands, never mind actually win!

Also "entertained" Ione and talked to Russian buffalo-girl Zanna, who I also had to save from immigration officials. As you do.