Braid (360): COMPLETED!

Well, I don't know what happened, but everything I was struggling with last night clicked today, and bar a couple of head-scratchers, I didn't have any real problems completing the rest of the game.

It was very lovely, and there is some "find the stars" thing I could still do which is completely impossible without a guide, but at just over two hours long it wasn't really the epic puzzler I was expecting.

But is it art? Oh yes, definitely.

Braid (360)

Brane! Hurting! So... very... confusing.

Braid is a 3D platform puzzle game. Only instead of depth being the third dimension, time is. So you go left and right, up and down, and forwards and backwards in time. But not just that - each world changes the rules a little.

F'r'instance, on one world, when you reverse time a shadow of yourself re-does whatever it was you just reversed. Example: You need to get through a door, but the switch to open it is too far away and by the time you've pulled the switch and legged it to the door, it's shut again. So you go and pull the switch, then reverse time. Your shadow then goes and pulls the switch as you did, leaving you free to make it to the door.

In another world, time flows forwards as you walk right, and backwards when you walk left.

Anyway. The point is to collect jigsaw pieces along the way. Which is too hard and my brain is now bent the wrong way. Pff.

Assorted Xbox 360 Demos (360)

Yes, it's demo time again!

Dark Sector
You move too slow and can't jump, and the dual-wielding doesn't feel right, and the weapons you can only use for 10 seconds is stupid and the Y-axis needs inverting and the sensitivity is way off (although both these things are adjustable) and I got to a dead end and have no idea where to go next.

But. I sort of enjoyed it. It reminded me a lot of Resident Evil 4.

NFL '09
American Football = BORING.

Geometry Wars Evolved 2 (360)

I AM WINNER!

After another billion attempts, I finally managed to beat The Rev's score on Deadline! By around 750k, I think. I even leapfrogged the next person up the list too!

GLOAT.

Geometry Wars Evolved 2 (360)

Once more, The Rev thought he could beat my scores. In fact, he'd only beaten my King score (although his cheat-obtained Deadline score still stands), but not by a huge amount.

After a few (say, 30) goes I'd beaten him by around a million points. Hurrah!

Sadly, the news was not so good for Deadline. I beat my own score by another 300,000 or so, but didn't manage to topple The Rev from his perch. Yet.

Geometry Wars Evolved 2 (360)

Several attempts at Deadline, Sequence and Pacifism to try and beat the scores I had set already, but unfortunately failed on all three. I think, in order to beat The Rev's 4.5 million-ish on Deadline, I have to be up to around 600k after one minute, and 2 million after two minutes - and I just can't do it.

Geometry Wars Evolved 2 (360)

So The Rev thought he could beat four of my scores, eh? Of course, they didn't last long. I'd soon overtaken three of them again, and then went and improved even further on the two he couldn't beat anyway (Pacifism and Sequence). I'm nice like that. Oh, and his Deadline score? He cheated. I've reported him for it.

I was also nice to Something Witty, mainly by sending him messages while he was trying to beat my scores.

Ticket to Ride (360)

Four more games against my wife on the Europe map today, and, in a reverse of last night, four wins for me.

I haven't needed to use any stations yet though.

Halo (Xbox)

Have I mentioned how tedious it is playing this? How little fun I'm getting out of it? How I can't wait until it's all over? No? Well, I am now.

Today was spent working through the same three areas over and over again. First, there's The Big Almost Circular Room (with smaller circular room within it). Then, there's One Of Three Styles of Tunnel, and finally Jesus Christ Not Another Bloody Bridge. Intersperse these with Boring Lift Journeys, and you have what can only be described as the worst part of any FPS I've ever played.

Finally, though, I made it out into the open again. Lets hope that was all the crap for a while, yes?

Ticket to Ride (360)

The Europe map was available for download today, at a slightly expensive 600 points. But I bought it, and it is pretty aces.

Played four games with my wife, and she won all four. Of course, we were both totally thrown by the added new rules - the ferries, the tunnels, and the stations. They all make it a bit more complicated!

Geometry Wars Evolved 2 (360)

Hah! So That Rev Chap thought he could take me on today! Only his scores were thwarted with ease, and once again I was Champion. Champion of, erm, some, anyway.

Later, I played again and almost completed Sequence mode. I can do the first 10 levels, without dying or using bombs, but not all in the same go. Which is a shame, as if I could do it, I'm pretty much guaranteed to complete the other 10 with the 5 lives and 5 bombs I'd have remaining.

Later still, I played again to get the Wax Off achievement. There was a bit of trauma when, after about 100 attempts, I managed to get all bar 1%. The final 1% of wall to touch couldn't be found anywhere - for a good 30 seconds. All that dodging and looking made me a bit panicky. And then, when I finally spotted it, it took another 30 seconds (an absolute age in this game) or so to actually reach it!

After that, I tried to boost by scores for Pacifism mode, managing to leapfrog two people on my list, making me 5th on there in total. It's the only mode I've managed to stand a chance against the "pros" in!

Halo (Xbox)

Sigh. If "The Silent Cartographer" is supposed to be a highlight of the game, then it really does need putting down. It was awful. More corridors that look the same. Areas of the map too dark to see in (and no, the flashlight doesn't really help). Wave after wave after wave of the same baddies again and again and again.

Tedious!

I thought things might have improved when I got to the next bit (which starts with more identical rooms and corridors), where you move out into the snowy open areas. You're given a Warthog! A Ghost! And a tank! And they're all crap, and progress is easier with just your rocket launcher.

Well, I will make a concession - flying the Ghost is a good idea, because if you don't one of your marine "chums" will fly it instead. And run you down in it. So that you die. Three times in a row. In the end, I blew it up before they got a chance to pilot it.

Please tell me it gets better. Please?

Geometry Wars Evolved 2 (360)

So, Something Witty thought he could claw back some of his rankings, did he? Of the six modes, he'd overtaken me on 3 by the time I got to play this morning. Naturally, I slew his so called "high scores" easily. And then distanced myself from him even further on those he failed to beat me on.

After that, to rub salt into his wounds, I spent a merry hour mopping up some of the achievements he hasn't got. I am best*.

* Technically, I am crap, as my scores pale into nothing compared to others on my list, but Witty's are the only ones that count. As I pointed out, the Premiership is rubbish these days - it's all about the Championship.

Geometry Wars Evolved 2 (360)

I predicted on Usenet that GWE2 was likely to only be half the game Geometry Wars: Galaxies on the Wii was. And, having bought it, I was pretty much right.

But that doesn't mean it's bad. Not in the slightest - it's still amazing. It only had 6 "levels" (or rather, modes of play), but they're more varied in rules than those in Galaxies.

This evening's play was supposed to be a quick go to see how it plays. An hour later, I'd unlocked all 6 modes, and, most importantly, whipped all of Something Witty's scores.

Super Smash Bros Brawl (Wii)

Oh yes, I played it. For a while. I can't get used to the remote-and-nunchuk controls (they don't feel right, and C to jump is all sorts of wrong) so I might have to try another method. The Sub-space Emissary single player mode is fun though.

However, there's a big huge giant problem: I can't save my game.

I have no space left on my Wii. I've deleted everything I don't want, copied everything I do want but don't need at the moment over to an SD card, and I'm still short of space to allow the gargantuan 128 block save file.

So thanks, Nintendo. I've just bought your game, but because YOU'RE STUPID, I can't play it properly.

Halo (Xbox)

And so it gets worse. The same corridors over and over and over and over again on the alien space ship. The way you go through essentially the same hanger 5 times. The fact everything is too dark to see. The annoying little baddies that sound like Ewoks. The way I had to complete almost the entire chapter with just one block of health. That chapter really was horrible.

But then it was onto The Silent Cartographer. I recall from various forums and newsgroups, several years ago, that this chapter was a highlight in the game. It certainly started well, with a beach landing and a big gunfight. However, then it was back into the Warthog and round and round the island I went trying to find a pathway further inland, only to discover it's behind a tree and you don't need (in fact, can't use) the Warthog at all.

And then wave after wave after wave of the same baddies over and over again, in the dark again. Tedious. Anyway, I've reached a building now. Lets hope it's the same rooms over and over!

Halo (Xbox)

I've played it before. And didn't like it. And I tried again on the PC. And didn't like it. I've always found it dull, dark, slow and boring.

So, having bought it at a car boot sale yesterday for the princely sum of £1.50, I thought I'd play it again. Not least because I got the sequel at the same time (for the same price), and I have a mostly unplayed Halo 3 for the 360 sat on a shelf. About time I played the trilogy, yes?

Or no. I just can't like it. As a FPS, Timesplitter 2 (and 3) and Half-Life (and HL2) kick it into a cocked hat. Its story is yawnsome - aliens attack your ship, you escape and crash land on alien planet, you have to find survivorzzzzzzz. Seen and done before. Before Halo originally came out, even.

And the Warthog is is rubbish. The controls are just ridiculous for it. Why you can't use a trigger button to accelerate, I don't know.

But I'm on the alien ship bit, and it's just wave after wave after wave of tedious fighting in dark warehouses and dark corridors and I'm really not enjoying it at all. At least I've gotten further than I've ever done previously. That's something, I suppose.

Ticket to Ride (360)

Three games on this this evening, and I won all three. Managed to gain the achievement for getting over 150 points in a single game, too.

3D Ultra Minigolf (360)

For some reason, ny wife decided we should play this today. It's sad to see how it has aged so much already, although some of it is probably due to how we've been playing Golf: Tee Off! a lot recently.

Anyway, we played the Explorer course, and I won, getting a score of -8 at the end of it.

Double D Dodgeball (Demo) (360)

I missed this out from my list earlier. And for good reason: it's crap.

Mario's Super Picross (Wii)

Just three more puzzles on Level 9 today. Um, that's it really.

Golf: Tee It Up! (360): COMPLETED!

Played this again for quite a while today. I've now managed to come first (and under par) on both courses - hence the "completed". The Scottish course, complete with Stone Henge, is by far the harder of the two. It seems to have much stronger winds, smaller patches of fairway, and larger (and more) trees.

On the other hand, the Caribbean course has lots of water. Which I ended up in for the first time playing my wife. I thought I'd take a shortcut on one of the holes, only to have my ball bounce off a tree and into the sea. Pff.

Too Human (Demo) (360)

Amazingly, this didn't turn out to be pants like I was expecting. OK, so it doesn't feel like a game that has been in development for, what, 40 years? And it isn't quite as hack-everything as the previews seemed to suggest. And there's a story (about technologically advanced Nordic Gods or something) too.

Rough edges include the lack of proper camera control, The Kameo Effect on far too many surfaces, and some minor animation problems, but I had fun for the almost-an-hour the demo ran for. Slightly concerned a minor boss was repeated already in that time, but I'll certainly look out for the full game.

When it's cheap, of course!

Assorted XBLA Demos (360)

Yes indeed - it is XBLA Demo Catchup time!

1942: Joint Strike
As I've said before, shooters aren't my thing really. However, I'm one for nostalgia and this is a great looking, and playing, remake of 1942. I'm tempted to get it, except I know I'll be crap at it. I was crap at the demo as it is.

Schizoid
It's like Geometry Wars, only two player, and with no shooting. And you control both players. And it's pretty good.

Go! Go! Break Steady!
Crap. It's one part Boom Boom Rocket, one part Zuma. Only it doesn't work and just appears confused. Rubbish!

Coffeetime Crosswords
Well, the first three clues I was given all had US "English" answers. So I deleted it.

Golf: Tee It Up!
Simple, normal (mostly) golf with standard press-A-thrice swinging and added limited aftertouch. It's nothing special, but it's perfectly playable. This was the only one of today's demos I actually bought - and then proceeded to play for most of the evening. Well worth a (get ready for it...) shot. Badum-tish.

Gauntlet (GBA)

The other half of Gauntlet and Rampart, obviously.

And, like Rampart, it's an excellent conversion even on a very small screen. I did get stuck on Level 14 though - I had a pocket full of keys (© The Rock) but had to pick up another to progress. But I couldn't. Thankfully, the old hang-around-for-a-few-minutes trick worked and the walls all turned to exits.

Rampart (GBA)

Another of the Play Asia package today. This one is actually one half of the "Gauntlet and Rampart" double game cartridge (which, at the time of typing, you can get for a bargainous £5 from here).

And? It is, as it always was, ace. I remember I was on holiday with a friend one summer and we walked three miles to the nearest arcade just to play this. It loses a little with just one player, but still plays fantastically (even on a Game Boy Micro's screen!). I managed to win five "levels", before being unable to finish the sixth.

Sonic the Hedgehog Genesis (GBA)

This arrived in the post today, along with some other stuff, from Play Asia. And, since ugvm Retro Week has been extended into this week, it was ideal for playing!

Or so I thought. It turns out that in the process of simply porting the original Megadrive Sonic game to the GBA, Sega couldn't help but rape my childhood memories by making it worse than those shoddy "fan-made" Flash-based Sonic games. It has more issues than a journal library. Par example:

1) You only get to see around 60% of the screen. The edges have been trimmed to fit the GBA. Not a huge issue if you know the layout of the levels off by heart (like me), but it means far too many leaps-of-faith and running-off-the-edge-of-things otherwise.

2) Horrific slowdown. Even when the screen isn't busy, the game will slow down for seemingly no reason.

3) Inconsistent scroll speeds. Scrolling up and down is twice as quick as left and right. Or perhaps it's just Sonic moves twice as quick when jumping? Either way, he doesn't control like Sonic any more.

4) Things don't draw in. You know the edges of the platforms in Green Hill that crumble when you stand on them? Sometimes they're not there. But you can stand on them, and they crumble under you, but you can only see them as they crumble. The swinging platform on Green Hill Act 2 vanished while I was standing on it too.

5) Things simply aren't there. You know the baddie in the air when you fly up into all those rings after the tunnel bit on Green Hill Act 1? The one you generally rebound off and aim back left to get more of the rings? Gone. Not just "not drawn in" - he's gone.

6) The sound effects are broken. Some of them simply aren't there. Others sound out of tune. Some sound completely wrong.

7) The music is awful. It's like some 12 year old has "rerecorded" the original tracks using a dodgy midi sequencer.

8) The special stages are impossible. They run three times faster than the rest of the game. And no, it isn't just 50 vs 60Hz issues - they're WAY faster. And there's the smaller viewport to contend with too.

Basically: Fuck off, Sega.

Yoshi's Story (Wii): COMPLETED!

N64 on Wii, of course. Even though I have it on the N64 too. Tch.

But I completed it for the first time ever! I know it isn't a hard game, and the main point is to use it as a sort of Score Attack thing, but still. It really was very good too. And I finished up with three non-dead Yoshis!

Mario's Super Picross (Wii)

I haven't played this in ages! I think I was a little put off last time as I thought I'd finally completed all the levels, only to find I's opened up a million more.

Completed the rest of Level 8, and three puzzles in Level 9.

Super Retro Weekend Special!

With it being Retro Week (now extended to Retro Fortnight) on ugvm, and with a guy coming up in a few weeks to interview me about old game systems, I rummaged through the loft this weekend for some old kit.

Standout games were:

Virus (Speccy)
It's a bit bloody hard, yes?

Qix (Atari 400)
Excellent, even if the Qix (that's the multi-line baddie in the middle, yes?) seemed to move at random rather than bounce off things.

River Raid (Atari 400)
Pretty good, although difficult to control.

Munchkin (Videopac)
It's Pac-man, only with just 8 normal and 4 special dots on the screen. And they move. And the maze is different. But not bad, actually.

Space Monster (Videopac)
Space Invaders, only the bottom row of invaders act as shields, the mothership replacement swoops down (like in Phoenix) and when you get shot you're still alive, only have to use a base as your new ship.

Renegade (Master System)
I only bought this recently. It's rubbish.

Shanghai (Master System)
Like all good Shanghai games, it's a good Shanghai game. It has the standard tile layout, and doesn't mess with the rules.

Hang-On (Master System)
Built-in on the console I tried (I have about 5 Master Systems). I'd never realised previously how this is just the same game as World Grand Prix, only with three gears not two, bikes instead of cars, and no track editor. Even the sound effects are identical.